If every time you look at your mate, you conjure up images of them lying and cheating on you, staying with them is an act of self-mutilation. Yes, hurt people hurt people. And yes, that goes for cheating as revenge, too. Cheating on your partner will not solve the problem.
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It will only make your relationship even less worthwhile to maintain. Try avoiding this by finding healthier ways to deal with your anger.
Don’t try to get even
And since trauma has such a profound effect on the brain, Lyons advises against making important decisions shortly after discovering a partner has cheated. When our brains are focused on survival, our prefrontal cortex is turned off. These unaddressed emotions will come out in maladaptive ways later. To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to follow us on Instagram! As our relationships with food and exercise changed, we began to discover new sides of each other, too.
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Signs Of A Cheating Spouse - Relationship Advice
Taking revenge on them will only hurt you more. By Diana Bruk May 10, Reacting immediately. Latest News.
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Choose wisely and quickly! But when it comes to poor communication, there can be shared responsibility. It is helpful to ask: why couldn't my partner talk to me? To them, you might have seemed pre-occupied with children or work. To you, they might have made excuses, or hidden behind jokes.
That said, no one person should take all the blame. It might seem like the path of least resistance, but it only allows the unfaithful partner to minimise their betrayal, which can leave you resentful. When it comes to revenge, however, there is no danger of sweeping your feelings under the carpet. The advantage, especially if you only think about getting your own back, is that you allow your rage to bubble to the surface.
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It's only when you act on it that things can go wrong. I had a male client who — when he discovered his wife had been unfaithful with her personal trainer — called the man's employer and had him fired.
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Unfortunately, this only pushed his wife closer to her lover she felt responsible and made it impossible to save their marriage. A wife I counselled threw her husband out for having an emotional affair. In case he hadn't got the message, she hurled an ashtray in his direction.
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Believing his marriage was over, he turned to the "other woman" and was then physically unfaithful, too — which made it hard to rebuild bridges, and turned a straightforward infidelity into a rollercoaster that took 18 months in therapy to resolve. Revenge can easily become a race to the bottom.
Another client had a tit-for-tat fling to show his cheating wife that he also had "other options". When he told her, she shrugged and said: "You've proved we can't make each other happy" — not the outcome he had wanted.
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Arguably, a better approach is to freeze your partner out. This is clever, as it buys you thinking time and reduces the risk you will say, or do, something you might regret. Freezing-out is also a very private reaction; whereas revenge is almost always public. This can be damaging for children, who might otherwise not have found out about an affair, or who might be drawn into inappropriate roles like peacemaker, or pushed into taking sides. But whether you forgive, freeze or wreak revenge, each reaction comes from the same place: pain.
And there is no magic solution to that, even if it feels like dousing your husband's sports car in paint will help. The key is to accept your feelings "I'm hurting" and challenge negative thoughts "our marriage doesn't have to be doomed" in order to move forward. And if you are the unfaithful partner?
Don't belittle what you've done, or hold back information to "protect" your partner or more likely so you don't have to face their full wrath — because getting the truth in dribs and drabs is infinitely more painful.
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